I never thought I would be the one.

How can it be that we love someone one day and than someone totally different the next day?

How can it be that couples fall out of love with one another when love is suppose to be everlasting?

After all the pain, with all this brokenness, could it be that this is not love?

Looking for a quick fix to numb the pain. Searching for any way to just not face the fact that I need help, to just not admit that it is my heart that needs surgery. At least I am not alone, at least I am loved. I take anything, all that matters is I am loved by someone. But, it is  love?

“I love you”, I feel like we misused these words so much to the point where they actually lost their meaning. Think about it, how many times have you told someone that you love them without thinking about the actual meaning of love?

I heard it so many times, that my heart seems to be immune to believing it. I mean I question it all the time when someone tells me that they love me. Sometimes I even ask myself if my child loves me.

It is mind-blowing to see how many people use this term as a tool of manipulation. Just to get who they want, what they want, when they want it. But after you had it, you still feel empty. You continue trying to fill the void within you but it just will not work. Mistaking infatuation, lust or co-dependency for love. But at least I am not alone. At least I am loved by someone.

Look at Jesus on the cross, he laid down His life for us! He says He loves me. And although I know he died, I struggle to believe that there is a love so unconditional that anyone would die for ME. I mean for ME? The answer is- yes even for ME.

I am not saying commit suicide as to prove your love for someone, I am just saying let us respect the word “love”, let us be more sensitive in the way we use it. I do not want to feel compelled to saying it because someone said it first, nor do I want to be manipulated with it. Some of us differentiate between “fake love” and “real love” when it should be “just” love and love alone.

I am still healing and maybe even trying to fill the void sometimes but the truth is, since I walk with God I am getting better, I am getting well. For once it is not just a quick fix but the only fix there is. His word teaches me that I am worthy and loved. No matter how burnt I am and how many scars I have. He loves me without trying to get something out of me. He loves me so deep that he forgives me, no matter how many times I have cheated on him, but I realized that I love Him so much that I do not want to cheat on Him anymore.

He will never cheat on me, never betray me nor leave me. He loves me regardless of my condition. He loves me when I look my best and still loves me when I did not feel like getting all dressed up. He loves me whether I wear a snapback or a miniskirt.

And I am falling deeper and deeper in love with Him!

by R.